What do I really want?

I am astonished... I cannot recognise my wishes anymore... As I rationalise it and contrast it to what I idealised, I might have found what I have been searching for. But my heart is numb, so I take it that my instincts are stopping me. And then it could be that I am again waiting for Godot... that my insatiable and unpleaseable being is taking over me...

Or it could just be that I am peaking at happiness, and it is overwhelming in it's magnitude, and either I feel I don't deserve it or that I can't handle it.

Life has pierced my fearless soul... it has wounded it beyond repair... faith just falls in and spills out... when reality hits I cannot feel, I cannot react, I do not know myself anymore.

Well... good for you... congratulations: you've become and adult (and survived). All you have to do now is look forward to becoming old. How fancy.

Some days I just hate life and the fact that I was born with too much love to give.

But what I am the most affraid off is that one day I will wake up and will not hate anymore... I will just cope.